The journal
Personal journal entries about mental health, identity, recovery, creativity, and the systems we move through.
These stories leave room for readers to recognize themselves. A complicated life should never be reduced to a simple lesson.
The Heavy Quiet, When the Light Fades Depression is not just sadness. It can feel like emotional dimming, identity loss, and disconnection from self…
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Browse all 144 journal entries newest first, or narrow the archive by year, topic, or a phrase from Onika’s writing.
14 / 05 / 26
RecoveryThe Heavy Quiet, When the Light Fades Depression is not just sadness. It can feel like emotional dimming, identity loss, and disconnection from self…
12 / 05 / 26
AnxietyAnxiety: The Worry That Lingers I remember the exact moment anxiety entered my life. It was brought on by abject terror. As a child, I had anxious moments…
10 / 05 / 26
SystemsWhy I Needed to Write This There are experiences that change the way you see systems forever. For me, psychiatric hospitalization was one of them. I’ve been…
10 / 05 / 26
SystemsTwo Systems, One Journey I have entered both psychiatric systems in very different ways. I have been restrained on a gurney, placed in isolation, and moved…
07 / 05 / 26
SystemsI Didn’t Expect Help Behind Locked Doors After years of navigating psychiatric units, I stopped expecting meaningful support. The resources rarely felt…
05 / 05 / 26
SystemsIn the past 17 years, I have experienced 13 hospitalizations, each beginning with a 72-hour psychiatric hold for assessment. In total, that is 936 hours spent…
03 / 05 / 26
SystemsI Didn’t Know If I Was Being Saved or Discarded It was the summer of 2006 when my mother received a call from my then-partner. He described my strange…
30 / 04 / 26
SystemsAs I waited for the University of Toronto Master’s of Social Work (MSW) students to settle into the classroom, I could feel my nervousness rising. These young…
09 / 04 / 26
RecoveryFrom Patient to Panelist: Entering the Room As I walked through the doors of the Sheraton Centre Toronto Hotel for the 2026 SPA Convention, I felt a quiet…
26 / 03 / 26
IdentityThe Page Became My Place of Survival After nearly 20 years of navigating the highs and lows of Bipolar I disorder, I thought I understood the facets…
23 / 03 / 26
RecoveryI Thought It Was Just Stress, Until the Voices Stayed For years I was told hearing voices was a symptom of the mania I experienced with Bipolar I disorder. I…
12 / 02 / 26
RecoveryAfter Twenty Years Everything Shifted For almost two decades, I shaped my identity, routines, and survival around being someone with Bipolar I disorder. Then…
12 / 01 / 26
RecoveryA Diagnosis I Didn’t See Coming It was January 2025 when I started a group trauma informed treatment program at Ontario Shores Centre for Mental Health…
05 / 01 / 26
RecoveryI Thought It Was Just Anxiety, Then Came ADHD For years, I blamed my forgetfulness, restlessness, and impulsivity on anxiety or mood swings. Then came the…
22 / 12 / 25
RecoveryUncharted Territory: I’m Not Just Bipolar, I’m Also… The day I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder was the day my life changed forever. Then came the…
13 / 12 / 25
RecoveryI Wasn’t Just “Self-Medicating.” I Was Surviving I used to tell myself I was just taking the edge off. Whether it was weed, alcohol, or something stronger, I…
20 / 11 / 25
RecoveryIt has been a week since my follow-up appointment with Dr. A. Although I had convinced him to let me heal at home, I knew he had reservations about whether I…
13 / 11 / 25
RecoveryI sit in my big red writing chair as rain pours down on a dark, gloomy Thursday in November. Outside my window, I watch the English-style garden in front of…
06 / 11 / 25
RecoveryI have learned a great deal in my two years of remission. I have continued outpatient treatment and I connect with Dr. A regularly for check-ins, medication…
30 / 10 / 25
RecoveryThe weeks that followed my emergency appointment with Dr. A required patience, discipline, and a level of self-trust I had not fully practiced before. I began…
23 / 10 / 25
RecoveryAs I sat in the waiting room of Dr. A’s office at the hospital I once called home, I was terrified. To my right was the door to the inpatient unit, and I knew…
16 / 10 / 25
RecoveryMy journey back to baseline has never felt harder than it has in recent weeks. Over the past 20 years of living with this complex and unpredictable illness, I…
29 / 09 / 25
RecoveryThe Post I’ve Dreamed of Writing One year ago, I pressed publish on my first blog post with a mix of fear and hope. Today, I sit here in awe: over 43,000…
18 / 09 / 25
RecoveryWhen Up Is Your Normal For years, I thought I was just naturally energetic, creative, and always “on.” I felt things intensely like joy, laughter, even…
15 / 09 / 25
RecoveryRiding the Wave Without Getting Pulled Under I once signed up for three credit cards in a single day. When they arrived, I rushed to the mall and spent each…
30 / 08 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson #15 “Be in your skin and fall in love with the feeling.”, Onika L. Dainty Learning to Live in My Skin It took me nearly 42 years to embrace this…
28 / 08 / 25
RecoveryWhen Feeling Great Isn’t Always Good I used to love the early stages of hypomania, the creativity, the confidence, the endless energy. It felt like I had…
25 / 08 / 25
RecoveryLost in the Fun, Then Lost in Myself In December 2024, I traveled to Guyana, South America, my birthplace, for the first time in 20 years. I thought I was…
23 / 08 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson #14 “The only validation I need is my parking.” – Onika L. Dainty Learning the Weight of Validation Validation is a complicated concept. By…
21 / 08 / 25
RecoveryI Took My Diagnosis With Me, Not Just My Luggage I used to think travel meant a break from my mental health routine, that rest was optional and the thrill of…
18 / 08 / 25
RecoveryI Needed More Than a Passport, My Mind Needed a Map Last year I took my first solo trip to Guyana in South America post-diagnosis and after twelve months of…
16 / 08 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson Series: The World Can't Touch Me In My Sleep – Onika L. Dainty Life Lesson #13 “The World Can't Touch Me In My Sleep” – Onika L. Dainty On an…
14 / 08 / 25
RecoveryLiving in Limbo: Packing My Bags, Again I remember the exact moment my caseworker told me I had 30 days left in my first transitional home. My stomach…
11 / 08 / 25
RecoveryChoosing Between Recovery and Rent I lay strapped to a hospital bed in the Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU), cut off from the outside world. I didn’t…
09 / 08 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson Series: It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. - Aristotle Life Lesson #12 “It is during our darkest moments that…
07 / 08 / 25
RecoveryA Bipolar Woman’s Lived Experience with Transitional Housing A House with No Peace I moved into my first transitional home in March 2023 after two months in a…
04 / 08 / 25
RecoveryWhen Recovery Doesn't Come with Comfort The first night I spent in a shelter came after a 72-hour hold in a psychiatric unit. I was still mid-mania, hearing…
02 / 08 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson #11 (Continued...) Climbing the Mountain of Mental Health and Disillusionment How do you climb a mountain built from disillusionment, pandemic…
31 / 07 / 25
RecoveryThe First Step Wasn’t a Door, It Was a Decision My journey through homelessness began in the haze of a manic episode. When I walked out of my parents' home in…
28 / 07 / 25
RecoveryDiscovering the joy of physical activity was a revelation. For years, I faced more hard days than easy ones on my bipolar disorder journey. Clinicians…
26 / 07 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson #11 The last two decades of my life have been marked by unwelcome challenges and unexpected change. After deep self-reflection, I’ve come to…
24 / 07 / 25
RecoveryWomen with Bipolar disorder face unique challenges: managing mood swings, maintaining routines, and recovering from setbacks. For me, one of the biggest…
21 / 07 / 25
RecoveryManaging money while living with Bipolar disorder is complicated, draining, and deeply personal, especially during episodes. I wouldn’t call myself…
19 / 07 / 25
RecoveryTrauma and Bipolar disorder are deeply intertwined, especially trauma experienced in childhood as it can potentially contribute to the development and…
17 / 07 / 25
RecoveryThe Power of Salt: A Little Girl’s Big Dream When I was a little girl my mother and I would bake cakes together. She would put all the ingredients in a…
14 / 07 / 25
RecoveryOne of the greatest lessons I have learned on my journey to better health and mental wellness is the importance of forming Structure, Routine and Healthy…
13 / 07 / 25
RecoverySuccess is a complicated subject for me. If I’m honest I’ve always feared success more than I have failure. Failure is easier to overcome and far less…
27 / 05 / 25
RecoveryBlogging has become more than just a platform for sharing opinions; for many women living with Bipolar disorder, it’s a vital tool for self-expression…
03 / 05 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson #10 We danced all night So close I kissed you. We spent years together And now I miss you. Mary Jane you broke my spirit Time and time again. I…
01 / 05 / 25
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder can be an emotional rollercoaster, but when you add the overwhelming effects of burnout it can become unmanageable. Women with…
28 / 04 / 25
RecoveryBuilding a business is challenging, but for women with Bipolar disorder, it’s a path that’s uniquely transformative. Did you know that many entrepreneurs with…
26 / 04 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson #9 "You will remain the same until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change." -Tony Robbins I was previously one of those…
24 / 04 / 25
RecoveryDid you know that what you eat can play a pivotal role in managing Bipolar disorder? For women with Bipolar disorder, nutrition is more than just fuel, it's a…
22 / 04 / 25
RecoveryPursuing higher education can be a transformative experience for many, but for women living with Bipolar disorder, it can also present unique challenges.…
21 / 04 / 25
RecoveryMental health and spirituality are deeply interconnected, offering comfort, meaning, and resilience for many. For women with Bipolar disorder, spirituality…
17 / 04 / 25
RecoveryAging can be a difficult journey for many, but for women living with Bipolar disorder, the challenges are often compounded. As we get older, mental health…
15 / 04 / 25
RecoveryWith anger, resentment, hurt Michael my fellow group member suddenly screamed: “You treat men like disposable objects, like trash, you hurt them, men like me…
31 / 03 / 25
RecoveryFriendships are essential for emotional support when dealing with Bipolar disorder, but without setting boundaries in your relationships they can become…
29 / 03 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson #8 “Start before you’re ready.”-Steven Pressfield Despite what we may think, time is a finite thing and we all have a limited amount to use in…
27 / 03 / 25
RecoveryMental health doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it's shaped by culture, gender roles, and societal expectations. For women with Bipolar disorder, these factors can…
17 / 03 / 25
IdentityImagine being able to pour out your emotions, track your moods, and find clarity all through the simple act of writing. The blank pages of a journal can…
10 / 03 / 25
RecoveryThere is a school of thought in the mental health world that rebuilding toward recovery is the next natural step after Bipolar relapse. I want to challenge…
08 / 03 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson #7 Life is what happens when you are making other plans. My grandmother Alvira died on December 30, 2004, my 22nd birthday, in Guyana South…
06 / 03 / 25
RecoveryIt’s the little lies that you tell yourself and others when you go through Bipolar relapse. Lies like ‘I’m fine just having a bad day,” or “I’m okay, I had a…
04 / 03 / 25
RecoveryGuest Post by J.R. I was home for the weekend when my mom told me what had happened. Onika had tried to jump out of a moving car on the highway. She was now…
03 / 03 / 25
RecoverySocial media is a double-edged sword for women living with Bipolar disorder. On one hand, it offers support, connection, and education. On the other hand, it…
01 / 03 / 25
AnxietyLife Lesson Series: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway - American Author Susan Jeffers Life Lesson #6 Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway I was in the sixth grade the…
27 / 02 / 25
RecoveryBipolar disorder is a complex mood disorder characterized by extreme high-highs (Mania) and low-lows (Depression) which can lead to psychotic symptoms like…
25 / 02 / 25
RecoveryAmerican writer and teacher Jack Kornfield said, “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” When you are dealing with a mood disorder…
24 / 02 / 25
RecoveryDefining Work-Life Balance Work-life balance is the balance between the time spent working and the time spent on personal activities. It's important for…
22 / 02 / 25
RecoveryLife Lesson #5 "You have to heal to be whole." The healing process is not easy, it's hard work. It’s a decision you have to make daily to change the…
20 / 02 / 25
RecoveryAmerican writer and teacher Jack Kornfield said, “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” When you are dealing with a mood disorder…
18 / 02 / 25
RecoveryThe written word has always brought me comfort and clarity in a world of discomfort and confusion. I didn’t know at the young age of six when my love of…
17 / 02 / 25
RecoveryUnderstanding Bipolar I Disorder and Medication Bipolar I disorder is a mood disorder characterized by extreme highs (hypomanic, manic and psychotic episodes)…
15 / 02 / 25
AnxietyLife Lesson #4 Seventy-one and a half miles. 190,725 steps. 18 days. When I think about where and when I first heard this quote I draw a blank. It’s as if I…
14 / 02 / 25
RecoveryPart 5 When entering into a dating dynamic it's easy to neglect the principles of mental health and wellness that are important to managing your Bipolar…
13 / 02 / 25
RecoveryPart 4 One of the most difficult and emotional aspects of a relationship is when it ends. When you struggle with a mood condition like Bipolar disorder it can…
12 / 02 / 25
AddictionPart 3 There is evidence to show that individuals diagnosed with Bipolar disorder may also develop issues with substance use. It is not uncommon for people…
11 / 02 / 25
RecoveryPart 2 During my mental health journey I have dated both men that struggle with mental illness and substance use issues as well as men who have not been…
10 / 02 / 25
RecoveryPart 1 Dating is hard enough, but when mental illness becomes a part of the equation, it can feel even more complicated. For women living with Bipolar…
08 / 02 / 25
AnxietyLife Lesson #3 This quote is one of the most profound messages that I have tried to live by over the years. I was originally introduced to it in high school…
06 / 02 / 25
RecoveryBipolar I Disorder and the Interpersonal Relationship Bipolar I disorder is a mood disorder characterized by extreme highs (hypomanic, manic and psychotic…
04 / 02 / 25
RecoveryGender-based violence (GBV) is not just an event; it’s a seismic shift that reverberates through every corner of your life. For me, it wasn’t the cause of my…
03 / 02 / 25
RecoveryThe sexual assaults I experienced as a girl and young woman didn’t just harm my body, they broke my sense of safety, crushed my spirit, and ultimately…
01 / 02 / 25
IdentityThe following piece of work was a reflection written in 2016 after experiencing what I call ‘polite racism’ now known as microaggression in my workplace. The…
31 / 01 / 25
RecoveryDear Readers, I know you must be wondering where I disappeared to after my last post on January 9, 2025. The honest truth is I needed a mental health break.…
09 / 01 / 25
RecoveryMental health challenges are often intertwined with substance use disorders, creating a complex web of issues that disproportionately affects women. Did you…
07 / 01 / 25
RecoveryMy little sister is almost exactly 10 years younger than me. This decade’s difference has led to a lifetime of conflict and resentment. Truth be told when I…
06 / 01 / 25
RecoveryA father is his daughter’s first love. He is your first male relationship that teaches you how to navigate friendships and partnerships with males. He teaches…
04 / 01 / 25
IdentityLife Lesson #2 “There are three things in life that you can’t get back once they are gone. A shot arrow, a lost opportunity and the spoken word.” - My Daddy…
02 / 01 / 25
RecoveryJust Pray My mother has always been a devout Christian, there are actually a number of God-fearing women in my family including my dearly departed grandmother…
31 / 12 / 24
RecoveryDedicated to Kim: My Big Sister, My Person. My phone would ring and on the other end of the line would be Kim, her voice soft and sweet and knowing. She’d…
30 / 12 / 24
RecoveryA Bipolar Woman's Self-Reflection Birthday Entry: 42 Years of Lessons Life Lesson #1 Today is my 42nd Birthday and honestly, after the last few years I didn't…
28 / 12 / 24
RecoveryThere is nothing more final on Earth than death. When we are born there is an infinite amount of possibilities for what that life will become. We feel…
26 / 12 / 24
RecoveryWhen I first learned the word “codependency,” I was sitting in a room full of women who had partners or family members who struggled with addiction and/or…
24 / 12 / 24
RecoveryOne of my previous bad habits is needing to please people. After careful self-reflection I realized that this habit is rooted in my mental illness. I fear if…
23 / 12 / 24
RecoveryAccess to mental healthcare is a vital issue that affects millions, but as a woman living with Bipolar disorder, I can attest that we face unique challenges…
21 / 12 / 24
RecoveryI lie in bed reading a novel about the 1893 World’s Fair in Chicago. I read the same paragraph repeatedly, unable to concentrate. My mind will not settle long…
19 / 12 / 24
AnxietyNobody ever tells you what you really lose when you lose your mind. Once your grip on reality slips away from you, and you are no longer in control of your…
17 / 12 / 24
RecoveryI discovered the gift of my voice, my ability to express myself through sound at 1-years-old. Honestly, I haven’t stopped talking since other than taking a…
16 / 12 / 24
AnxietyI feel fear. I worry constantly over what ifs, and I have anxiety about my future. Even though I know these emotions are reasonable and rational, it doesn't…
14 / 12 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder is hard enough, but when you add Depression and Anxiety to the mix, it can feel downright overwhelming. Women with Bipolar…
12 / 12 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder is more than just managing mood swings, it’s about handling the intense emotions that come with it, especially anger, shame, and…
10 / 12 / 24
RecoveryGratitude. It's more than just saying “thank you.” For many women living with Bipolar disorder, gratitude has become a powerful tool in their recovery…
09 / 12 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder can feel like an endless cycle of highs and lows, and for women, impulsive behaviour during manic episodes can have serious…
07 / 12 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder can feel like a constant rollercoaster. The mood swings, the racing thoughts, it can all be overwhelming. As a woman, there are…
05 / 12 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder can feel like an uphill battle, especially for women. But what if you could connect with someone who truly gets it? That’s where…
03 / 12 / 24
RecoveryBipolar disorder affects millions of people, but for women, the experience can be different, especially when trauma is involved. Women with Bipolar disorder…
02 / 12 / 24
RecoveryDid you know that women are nearly twice as likely to be diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder compared to men? This statistic sheds light on the unique challenges…
30 / 11 / 24
RecoveryNavigating relationships can be challenging, especially for women living with Bipolar disorder. Did you know that nearly 1 in 5 adults experience mental…
28 / 11 / 24
RecoveryDid you know that approximately 1 in 5 women experience Bipolar disorder during their lifetime? For many, the internal dialogue, both positive and negative…
26 / 11 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder can feel like navigating a turbulent sea, especially for women who often face unique triggers that exacerbate their symptoms. Did…
23 / 11 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar I disorder can often feel like a rollercoaster of emotions, and for many women, navigating daily life while managing symptoms can seem…
21 / 11 / 24
RecoveryNavigating the hospital system can be a daunting experience, especially for women living with Bipolar disorder. Did you know that nearly 2.8% of women will…
19 / 11 / 24
RecoveryWomen living with Bipolar I disorder often grapple not only with the symptoms of their condition but also with the heavy burden of stigma and discrimination.…
18 / 11 / 24
RecoveryManaging finances can be particularly daunting for women with Bipolar I disorder, especially when faced with the unpredictable nature of mood swings. Did you…
16 / 11 / 24
RecoverySeasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is more than just the winter blues; it profoundly affects many individuals, especially women. Studies show that women are…
14 / 11 / 24
RecoveryHomelessness is a multifaceted crisis affecting millions, but when coupled with mental health challenges like Bipolar I disorder, the struggles can be…
12 / 11 / 24
RecoveryManic love often appears to be a whirlwind of passion and excitement, but beneath its surface lies a more troubling reality. For many women living with…
11 / 11 / 24
Recovery“I didn’t see it coming until it was here.” This sentiment resonates deeply with anyone who has experienced a manic episode, especially from a woman’s…
09 / 11 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder can often feel like navigating a complex maze, filled with unexpected turns and hidden passages. As a woman who has traveled this…
07 / 11 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar I disorder can often feel like an unpredictable journey. In Canada, approximately 1% of the population is diagnosed with Bipolar disorder…
05 / 11 / 24
RecoveryNavigating mental health management can be a complex journey, especially for those of us living with Bipolar I disorder. I remember a time when I thought that…
04 / 11 / 24
AnxietyFear is a natural part of the human experience. It is woven into our lives, often emerging as a protective mechanism in response to perceived threats. This…
02 / 11 / 24
RecoveryGetting quality sleep can be a challenge for those living with Bipolar disorder. Sleep disturbances are not just common; they can trigger mood episodes that…
31 / 10 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder can feel like navigating a rollercoaster filled with unexpected highs and lows. The rapid shifts in mood and energy can be…
29 / 10 / 24
RecoveryFor many people, hearing the word "Bipolar" conjures images of chaos, unpredictability, and hardship. But for me, living with Bipolar disorder has been a…
28 / 10 / 24
RecoveryLooking back, I can clearly remember the days when I didn’t know the words “Bipolar I Disorder.” I was just 16 years-old, trying to make sense of feelings…
26 / 10 / 24
RecoveryWhen I first learned about mindfulness, I was skeptical. The idea of sitting quietly with my thoughts seemed, at best, daunting. However, after experiencing…
24 / 10 / 24
RecoveryAs someone navigating life with Bipolar I disorder, I’ve had my fair share of highs and lows. When it comes to managing my mental health, I often find myself…
22 / 10 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder can feel like a rollercoaster ride, with its highs and lows often dictating daily life. However, establishing a consistent daily…
21 / 10 / 24
RecoveryNavigating relationships while living with Bipolar disorder can be both rewarding and challenging. I’ve often reflected on the intricate dance of emotions…
19 / 10 / 24
RecoveryManaging Bipolar disorder while working can present unique challenges. While workplaces can be stressful environments for anyone, individuals with Bipolar…
17 / 10 / 24
RecoveryNavigating the journey of Bipolar recovery can feel like an endless uphill climb. Yet, having a support system can make that journey much more manageable.…
15 / 10 / 24
IdentityJournaling has been a transformative practice in my life, especially as I navigate the complexities of living with Bipolar I disorder. It all began when I was…
14 / 10 / 24
RecoveryGratitude. It's more than just saying “thank you.” For many women living with Bipolar disorder, gratitude has become a powerful tool in their recovery…
12 / 10 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar I disorder means navigating a complex world of medications, self-care practices, and support networks. Each element plays a vital role in…
10 / 10 / 24
RecoveryUnderstanding the journey of recovery from Bipolar I disorder can be complex and deeply personal. For many, lived experiences, whether their own or those of…
08 / 10 / 24
RecoveryNavigating a Bipolar I disorder diagnosis can feel like walking a tightrope. Sharing this part of your life with friends and family might seem daunting, but…
07 / 10 / 24
RecoveryCoping with Bipolar disorder can be an overwhelming journey, but sharing personal stories often illuminates the path to understanding and healing. According…
05 / 10 / 24
RecoveryManaging Bipolar I disorder is a lifelong journey, and if I’m being honest, it hasn’t always been easy. Looking back, I remember the first time I felt my…
03 / 10 / 24
RecoveryManaging Bipolar disorder is never a one-size-fits-all approach. Psychologists and therapists may offer treatment plans and strategies, but there’s something…
01 / 10 / 24
RecoveryBest Tools Bipolar Disorder Management Managing Bipolar I Disorder is a deeply personal journey. As I’ve shared in my previous post, How to Start Managing…
30 / 09 / 24
RecoveryLiving with Bipolar disorder is a unique journey that comes with its own set of challenges and lessons. I’ve been navigating Bipolar I disorder for over 20…
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