Onika L. Dainty

I walked into my 7th floor apartment the evening of New Year’s Eve, my mother standing by the dining room table tears in her eyes, my aunt and uncle stood frozen in my living room and three of my girlfriends who had proceeded me to the apartment stood awkwardly with party supplies in hand and regret in their eyes. I looked at my mom and the next words out of her mouth shattered my world, made all thoughts in my head disappear because life or rather death had happened when I was out making plans.

“Gran Gran Alvira died yesterday in Guyana,” my mother could barely get the words out past her tears. 

My response to the devastating news is silly to me now, “Yesterday was my birthday.” 

Then I fell to the floor and screamed from my soul where she had always lived and collapsed. I was never going to see her alive again, I was never going to smell her neck as I snuggled in her strong lap, I was never going to feel her arms around me or hear her soft voice telling her baby girl how I gave the best hugs, She wasn’t going to be at my graduation or wedding or the birth of my first child and we were never going to dance to Ella Fitzgerald or sing Summertime again. Life had gotten in the way of my plans.

After flying back home for the funeral and saying goodbye to my soulmate I simply stopped living life, I stopped making plans, I stopped smiling and laughing and loving the way I did when my grandmother was alive. She was 82 years old when she died and as an adult I understood she couldn’t live forever but the child she helped raise, that she encouraged to dream big couldn’t comprehend a world where Alvira didn’t exist. I spiralled out of control, I made a lot of bad choices after she died and two years later I found myself in a Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit being diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder. That was never the plan but life continued on around me, life continued to happen to me regardless of whether I had a plan or not. Sometimes choosing not to plan becomes the plan and life still happens whether you like it or not.

Fast forward 20 years, I recently went back home to Guyana following my spirit, my heart and my soul’s calling to be in the last place my grandmother was. I spent a month there including my 42nd birthday, I celebrated Alvira, I danced in the rain, I laughed until I hurt, I explored my birthplace and I remembered things forgotten long ago. I found what I thought I had lost so many years before: I found joy, happiness and the freedom to be me.  I had no real plans for this restorative and transformative adventure home, It's how I’ve learned to live my life, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day because when you deal with a severe mental illness characterized by unexpected highs and lows you learn to enjoy life taking things as they come and feeling gratitude for every little moment of sanity I’m blessed with. 

Thank you Mr. Lennon, you taught me that living in the moment is better than making plans for an unknown and uncertain future because no matter which way the wind blows life is what happens when you are making other plans.    

You don’t have any understanding that Bipolar relapse is a natural part of the recovery cycle because you don’t quite have a grasp of your own cycle until months or even years after your Bipolar disorder diagnosis. Women facing Bipolar disorder often encounter unique challenges from societal stigma to personal guilt and shame. It’s important to remember relapse isn’t the opposite of recovery–its a step within it. This article shares powerful stories of how to rebuild your life after relapse, along with expert advice on recovery, resilience and self-compassion.  

Bipolar Relapse: Why It Happens and How to Respond

Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that involves shifts in mood, energy and activity levels. The three main types of bipolar disorder are Bipolar I, Bipolar II, and Cyclothymic disorder. Bipolar I disorder involves longer periods of Mania that last at least a week to eight weeks with depressive episodes that last two weeks. Bipolar II disorder is characterized by cycles of hypomanic episodes that can last for up to four days and depressive episodes that may be shorter and less severe. Cyclothymic disorder involves frequent mood swings of hypomania and depression that are not severe enough to be considered episodes of hypomania or depression.

Understanding and avoiding triggers can help people with Bipolar disorder minimize symptoms and limit the number of cycles they experience. Below are some common relapse triggers to consider when managing your Bipolar disorder cycle.  

Relapse Triggers That Effect Bipolar Cycle

• Stress: Stressful life events such as loss of a loved one or loss of job. Stressful events often trigger a mood episode.

• Sleep: Changes in sleep patterns, such as insufficiencies or severe insomnia can trigger a mood episode.

• Medications: Certain antidepressants and other medications can trigger a mood episode.

• Substance Use: Drugs and alcohol use can trigger a mood episode.

• Hormones: Menstruation, pregnancy and other hormonal shifts can trigger a mood episode.  

• Other Factors: Grief, change in season or events like travel can trigger a mood episode.

The above list seems to incorporate everything one may go through on a daily basis. That’s the challenging part of managing Bipolar disorder, there are every few life events that can’t lead to cycle changes and ultimately relapse. Stress, for example, is a natural occurrence in our life cycle but for women with Bipolar disorder how we manage stressful events can mean the difference between experiencing severe mood changes that lead to a hypomanic, manic or depressive episode. Another common life event in people with Bipolar disorder is medication changes. It is important to stay mindful when going through changes such as this one by staying in touch with your medical team and taking time to rest though this process of transition to ensure your body and mind stay balanced. 

Remember, Bipolar relapse should never be considered a failure, rather it is an opportunity for healing and a deeper understanding of an illness that is by its nature full of ups and downs. The emotional toll that relapse can have on an individual can range from guilt and shame to fear of further setbacks, all realistic emotions however can be misplaced. Consider the following: if you are always in a state of wellness on your journey, how can you identify when you are unwell unless you experience low and high periods that characterize Bipolar disorder? A part of maintaining good health is recognizing the experiences that challenge your mental health. Feelings of guilt, shame and fear are normal but are also indications of feeling failure and Bipolar relapse should never be considered a failure rather a learning lesson on your journey to overall wellness.    

Embracing Strength: Stories of Finding Hope After Relapse

Embracing My Bipolar I Disorder

Early on in my mental health journey I didn’t have the knowledge and understanding of my Bipolar I disorder cycle. Mania and depression were my state existence and constant self-blame and self-loathing were my mental baseline. I blamed myself for my mental illness, I blamed myself for the recurring symptoms of Bipolar I disorder and the co-occurring substance use disorder I was experiencing not knowing how to manage either. It took many years to first accept that my Bipolar disorder was not going anywhere, that it was a permanent part of my psychological make-up but that didn’t mean that it had to live in the passenger seat of my life or dictate my future. Secondly, I had to show myself compassion regarding my substance use, finally coming to the realization that the substance use was a symptom of the larger issue of unmanaged mental illness. 

Once I accepted these two truths about how I was handling my illness, once I recognized that my struggle was not unique and could be overcome, I started doing the work. I made a declaration about my life. If I was going to live my life as a woman with Bipolar I disorder, I was going to make it the best life it could be despite my mental illness. I decided to embrace my Bipolar disorder through psychoeducation, counselling services, medication management, self-care, creating structured routine and good habits, sharing my lived experience and advocacy work. I stopped blaming myself for a condition I was born with, I stopped running from a disorder I had to stand and face and I started fighting for my future knowing that Bipolar relapse is always around the corner but arming myself with the tools to face any challenge.    

Embracing Grama Judie, My Mental Health Mentor

It starts with one person. One person in your life to reach out to you and say, “I’m here for you, I want to help you and you are not alone.” It may not be a member of your family, your mom or your dad who are struggling with the reality of their daughter having a severe and lifelong mental illness. It may not be your little sister who is too young to understand the consequences that mental illness brings. It may not be your circle of extended family and friends who are focused on having you be who you were to them before the chaos came. Instead it could be a stranger you meet along your journey who sees you hurting and reaches out to help. For me that was an 80-year-old woman I met while in the hospital 17 years ago. Her name is Judie, fondly known as Grama Judie, my best friend and who I’ve often referenced in my articles as my Mental Health Mentor. 

Seventeen years ago she saw a lost young woman sitting at a table reading a book and she approached me. “Whatcha reading?” she said. “A Historical Romance,” I replied. She sat down and thus began a relationship that has almost spanned two decades. She has been my friend, my  mental health advocate, my substitute decision maker, my community connector, she has taken care of my home when I’m hospitalized, visited me in and out of psychosis, been there for wellness checks, though the good, bad and challenging times are always ready to support me. Her confidence in my ability to rebuild and reinvent myself after every episode has been unwavering. I cannot negate the others who have joined my support network over the years of dealing with my mental illness but I am most grateful to my Grama Judie because her belief in my strength and resilience is what has given me the fortitude to continue rebuilding after every major episode.    

Embracing My Setbacks

On the road to wellness there have been more setbacks than I care to admit or recount. However, what I can say is that every setback has been a learning experience. In few years ago I experienced a year-long Bipolar relapse which included several suicide attempts,  homelessness and nine hospitalizations. The constant chaos and instability led me to a place of dejection and hopelessness. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had to take stock of my life and the decisions I had been making or rather not making concerning my mental illness. I call this year in my life “The Great Rebellion,” as I had rebelled against the mental health care system, against my psychiatrist, against my medication, against those who loved me and to what ends? I was the one who was suffering for not doing the work I knew I needed to do to live a full and healthy life. 

The structure, routine and habits that I was able to maintain during my four month stay in Ontario Shores Centre for Mental Health Sciences gave me the clarity I needed to forge ahead in a positive direction where relapse was still possible but manageable when making good decisions around my mental health. I was also able to maintain my sobriety with the help of counsellors and therapists that gave me a better understanding of how substances interacted with the chemical imbalance that defined my illness. For the first time I was listening and learning about myself in a way I had never done before. I was once again in a space where self-awareness and self-compassion took the lead on my journey of resilience and recovery. Although there are many reasons for setbacks in my life, the biggest challenge has always been getting out of my own way and allowing myself to heal and be whole, seeing relapse as an opportunity to learn lessons about myself that I have yet to learn.    

Final Thoughts

Bipolar relapse exists within mental health recovery, it is not the end of the road but a part of the journey. It acts as a barometer which allows you to reflect on both the changes made and the changes you may need to make on the journey to your final destination of mental wellness. Every woman’s recovery journey is unique and full of challenging experiences but the common theme is always resilience, your ability to keep moving forward towards your goals regardless of the challenges. When managing a severe mental illness like Bipolar disorder it’s important to remember relapse is almost always inevitable but knowing this can mitigate the severity and make the road to recovery more accessible. 

Seeking support from your mental health network during challenging times can go a long way in your journey to recovery. Sharing your lived experience story can inspire and help others in their own recovery journey. Finally, continue moving forward because your journey is not defined by your setbacks but by your resilience. Remember, there is light at the end of every dark tunnel and there is always sunshine after the rain.

The Connection Between Social Media and Mental Health

Mental Health Narratives and Social Media

Since the rise of social media in the early 2000s platforms like Facebook, Youtube, Instagram and Twitter X have become synonymous with information gathering and sharing. When the average person is searching for information they no longer seek out guidance from an expert first. Rather, they look to the social media apps on their phones, tablets or computers to find answers. It’s a faster and easier way to not only find resources but also find other online users on similar quests. This is how online communities are created, users with similar interests, geographic or demographic profiles and opinions coming together to share information. 

Although it sounds ideal, decades of user engagement have given us examples of both the benefits and pitfalls of social media especially when it involves mental health narratives. Social media narratives around mental health are often characterized by a focus on the negative impacts including feelings of inadequacy due to constant comparison with others, pressure to post perfection, increased anxiety from cyberbullying and mental illness self-diagnosis. The following are social media concepts that enable user engagement that can lead to negative mental health outcomes.  

Comparison Culture: the tendency to compare one’s life with other online personas, especially social media influencers that carefully curate images which can cause feelings of inadequacy and low-self esteem in users that are unable to keep up with perceived perfection. 

Likes and Followers Culture: the system of basing personal value and self-worth on how many followers you gain daily or likes you receive on a post. The follower and likes concept is at the foundation of most social media apps and can encourage users to feel less than based on numbers often generated by platform algorithms and cannot be authenticated.  

Cancel Culture: This concept involves unfollowing users based on their perceived negative online presence. This culture movement quickly developed from unsubscribing to a platform or account to a barrage of negative comments about an individual's character or lifestyle choices. These personal attacks made by anonymous users can be perceived as detrimental to positive mental health of those on the receiving end.  

“Highlight Reel” Effect: Users often only showcase positive experiences on social media, creating an unrealistic perception of other’s lives. This can be taxing on the mental health of scrollers as images portray a level of perfection that can’t achieve in their own lives.

Cyberbullying and Trolling: Social media provides users with anonymity which enables the sharing of negative comments and opinions on posts that can contribute to anxiety, depression or worse outcomes for the object of cyberbullying. Victims of cyberbullying have higher odds of experiencing suicidal thoughts and self-harm than non-victims.  

Self-diagnosis: Easy access to information surrounding mental health conditions can lead to concerns around self-diagnosing rather than seeking the help of mental health professionals like psychiatrists or psychotherapists. This can lead down the road of further distress due to inaccurate information. 

There are several challenges that you may face on social media. However, it is important to remember you are in control of social media, not the other way around. You control how much or how little you share, you control what platforms you use, who you follow or unsubscribe and what you like or don’t. Social media is a tool not a lifestyle so if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by all the negativity only you can decide when its time to step away for the sake of your mental health.      

Positive Effects of Social Media for Women with Bipolar Disorder

It’s important to acknowledge the positive effects social media has had on creating safe spaces for women living with Bipolar disorder. There has been a shift in how users engage on social media platforms to raise awareness, create connections and share lived experiences to destigmatize mental health issues. Mental health platforms such as the Holistic Psychologist (Dr. Nicole LePera) and Emotions Therapy (Cally Tate) are creating positive spaces to discuss mental health and educate others. 

Community Building: Online communities whose mandate is exploring concepts around mental health, wellness and self-care as well as providing psychoeducation can offer individuals with mental health challenges much needed support and connection to others with similar struggles. Oftentimes these communities are founded by individuals with lived experience in mental health such as peer supporters or counsellor as well as  mental health professionals like psychologists.  

Raising Awareness: Social media can be a powerful tool in raising awareness through psychoeducation and lived experience campaigns that highlight mental health and wellness strategies, the challenges people with mental illness face and destigmatizing seeking help for mental health concerns.  

Access to Information: Individuals can access information about mental health, wellness, self-care, support groups, crisis lines, online therapy and other professional services. It’s important to always do your research, ask questions and follow-up on the accuracy of the information you find. 

One of the most favourable  aspects of social media is the ability to express yourself in a creative way. Self-expression can be healing and sharing your lived experience story with others  can be restorative. Although the social media landscape changes rapidly with new features and apps launched daily, you can always find opportunities to create a space where your voice is heard. Social media can be used as a tool to enhance your journey to wellness and through sharing your lived  experiences with Bipolar disorder you may find the online community that best fits mental health and recovery goals.  

When living with Bipolar disorder and participating in social media engagement there are several negative aspects that can have a detrimental effect on symptom management acting as triggers to mood swings,  hypomania, impulsivity, Mania and even manic-psychosis. Excessive online shopping or posting for example can be some of the impulsive behaviours triggered by social media use during a manic episode. During a depressive episode social media can increase feelings of isolation, affect sleep hygiene and elevate anxiety potentially leading to worsening mental health outcomes overall. 

Excessive interaction on social media platforms can also contribute to compulsive behaviours due to its addictive nature. Compulsive behaviours like incessant posting rooted in either manic or depressive symptoms can affect online relationships or lead to users being banned due to questionable or toxic content. Some other negative effects to consider:   

• Emotional Triggers: Exposure to negativity, comparison culture, and toxic content can trigger mood swings heightening symptoms of Bipolar disorder. Emotional triggers can be challenging for social media users as they may be unaware of what may or may not trigger fluctuations in mood until the highs (Mania) or lows (Depression) are already occurring. 

• Doomscrolling and Information Overload: The excessive and compulsive consumption of negative news or distressing content online can  impact mood stability leading to symptoms of paranoia, anxiety, depression or Mania. Doomscrolling and information overload can also occur when users aimlessly spend time on social media searching for content that makes them feel informed rather than uninformed. This constant state of overstimulation can have a negative impact on individuals living with Bipolar disorder acting as a mood destabilizer and leading to problematic mental health outcomes.    

• Sleep Disruptions: The impact of late-night scrolling on Bipolar symptoms can interfere with user’s normal sleep patterns. Checking social media before bed for instance can lead someone with Bipolar disorder to fall down the proverbial social media rabbit hole of scrolling and posting making it impossible to maintain positive sleep hygiene which is a key component of symptom management, medication management, self-care and other mental health outcomes. 

• Impulsive Behaviours: During manic phases, impulsive behaviours can be compounded by online activity like the ability to access instant shopping or gambling platforms, they can become involved in reckless behaviours like excessive posting of content such as videos that may leave them vulnerable to judgement or make inappropriate comments due to lack of self-control. 

It has been my experience that although social media is a useful tool, for women living with Bipolar disorder precautions must be taken when using online platforms in order to maintain good mental health. It's essential to practice mindfulness when engaging with social media. Incorporating social media in your daily structure routine and habits, placing limitations on engagement or positive filters on content can mitigate the negative effects that social media may have in triggering Bipolar symptoms. Whatever your current social media consumption strategies, perhaps it's time to revisit your engagement and set social media boundaries that align with your overall mental health goals.  

The Role of Dopamine and Social Media Addiction in Bipolar Disorder

Dopamine, often referred to as the “feel good” chemical in the brain, is a neurotransmitter responsible for giving you feelings of pleasure, satisfaction and motivation. In Bipolar disorder dopamine plays a significant role particularly in the manifestation of manic episodes where elevated dopamine levels are associated with feelings of euphoria, increased energy and risky behaviour. Research suggests that excessive dopamine release triggered by social media engagement could exacerbate manic symptoms in people with Bipolar disorder. High dopamine levels in the brain that are linked to social media addiction can lead to symptoms of hyperactivity, impulsivity, grandiosity and poor judgement.

When engaging in social media the brain’s reward system is triggered through likes, increase in followers and positive comments which are all designed to trigger dopamine release. When users with Bipolar disorder experience continuous and unchecked release of dopamine it can have a negative effect on brain chemistry leading to further imbalances. Therefore, social media engagement can amplify the cycle of highs (Mania) and lows (Depression) based on how much and how often it is accessed.

There is a link between compulsive scrolling, mood instability and impulsivity. Continuous and unchecked scrolling of social media content can lead to negative outcomes for people  with a serious mood disorder like Bipolar. Constant viewing of content can act as a trigger for mood fluctuations and unstable behaviours over long periods of time. 

On average women spend 3 hours a day scrolling on social media, which indicates both the positive content they view will provide the sought after dopamine release. However, the negative content viewed may lead to issues around anxiety, comparison to others or low self-esteem. When you are living with Bipolar disorder your sensitivity to social media content is heightened and can have long-term effects on symptom management and mental health outcomes. So how do you manage social media use while still considering your mental health?        

Managing Social Media Use for Better Mental Health

Previously, social media engagement was an important part of my day. However, after my last manic-psychotic episode I made a decision to go through a Social Media Detox.  Four months of hospitalization gave me time to reflect on the people and platforms I engaged with on social media and how they had either positively or negatively contributed to my mental health. I went through my profiles, archived images, unfollowed accounts and unsubscribed to pages that were no longer serving me on my journey to wellness and recovery. Although I still use social media, I manage the time I spend scrolling and I’m more mindful of the content and users I engage with. Here are some suggestions for managing social media for better mental health outcomes. 

Setting Boundaries: Setting social media boundaries is key. You can manage your screen time by setting daily alarms around online engagement. You can also choose to divide social media engagement into days of the week, for example ‘TikTok Tuesday’ or ‘Facebook Friday’, only engaging with these platforms on the designated day and time which can help with information overload. It's also a good idea to curate healthier feeds that align with your wellness and recovery goals. Finally, don’t be afraid to set boundaries with online communities. If the content people share is negative or overwhelming it’s okay to disconnect  from online relationships and use the time to decide if you want to continue to connect in the future. 

Digital Detox Strategies: Detoxing your social media world can be both challenging and overwhelming so it's important to take your time. One strategy you can follow is the Platform-Pictures-People method. Go through the platforms you subscribe to and reflect on whether the information on the page still serves your needs. Second, go through your online image catalog and decide whether images are worth keeping or archiving, this exercise can be a key step in restoring some of your privacy. Finally, review your friends/followers/following lists and decide if staying connected is beneficial to your mental health and recovery journey.  

Mindful Social Media Consumption: Mindful use of social media involves subscribing or following platforms and accounts that promote positive mental health outcomes. Searching for platforms and accounts that promote psychoeducation on mental health and mental illness, mental health advocacy or content based on recovery, wellness, lived experience or self-care are a great place to start. Mindful social media will get easier because once you start searching for positive platforms the algorithm will start sending you more similar and positive-centred content. 

Using Social Media for Good: There are many opportunities to engage in uplifting, purpose-driven online activities. For instance, joining a lived experience forum where you can talk about your journey to wellness and connect with others on a similar journey. Participating on platforms that create open dialogues around mental health and the challenges of mental illness contribute to a safe space of empathy, understanding, education and destigmatization of mental health. 

Final Thoughts

Social media isn’t inherently good or bad—it’s how we use it that matters. Positive and negative narratives around mental health and social media may always exist but for women living with Bipolar disorder, mindful engagement can turn social media into a source of support rather than stress. Understanding the effects of social media on the brain’s reward centre can go a long way in deciding how you manage your social media engagement. By curating feeds, setting boundaries, and prioritizing mental well-being, social media can become an empowering tool rather than a trigger. It’s important to remember you are in control of how much or how little you engage with social media.