Onika L. Dainty

The Challenges of Dating: Women’s Experiences with Bipolar Disorder

Love, Relationships and Bipolar Disorder Series - Part 5

When entering into a dating dynamic it's easy to neglect the principles of mental health and wellness that are important to managing your Bipolar disorder. Dating comes with new and unknown elements that can have either positive or challenging outcomes for the already established regime that women create for managing their mental illness. In this article I will explore why it's important to maintain structure, routine and habits while dating, how to balance self-care and relationship commitments and tools and resources that can be helpful for having a positive dating experience. 

Maintaining Stability: Structure, Routine and Habits While Dating

Establishing structure, routine and good habits are crucial when managing Bipolar disorder. Important practices like having an organized living space, good sleep and personal hygiene can be important to how you function in your mental health and in your new dating dynamic. Bipolar disorder and the mood shifts that come with the illness may be affected in a negative way if you are unable to maintain and manage the norms you establish for yourself prior to introducing a potential partner into your world. 

Dating can be filled with experiences and emotions that you are required to navigate. So it's key that you maintain your equilibrium by continuing to create structure, routine and habits that allow you to manage the often unknown challenges that can come with dating a potential partner. Women who have Bipolar disorder can feel a gambit of strong emotions while going through the dating experience similar to women who do not deal with mental illness. It's important to establish a self-care tool kit for dating before your emotional wellness is tested. 

Here are some suggestions for what you may include in your Dating Self-Care Tool-Kit:

• Journaling: writing can help you process any mood swings or emotional irregularities that may arise when dating a potential partner. Journaling daily about your dating experiences and the feelings connected to them can help you decide if you want to continue the relationship or take a break to focus on your needs or personal goals.

• Meditation: listening to calming meditation music before or after a date or before bed can help calm and center your mind bringing back balance and focus on the things you want to achieve in your life and relationships.

• Music: Listening to your favorite music playlist can evoke feelings of joy and happiness allowing you to express your emotions in a healthy way. Singing-a-long or dancing to the beat of music acts as a release for pent up emotions and can bring you back to a more balanced state of mind. 

• Exercise: a daily exercise routine can release the feel-good chemicals your brain needs to maintain good mental health. Whether it’s yoga, walking or high-intensity cardio, taking the time to address your physical needs with exercise is a great way to refocus, reset and reframe your thoughts, feelings and emotions.  

• Nutrition: Eating a wholesome and balanced meal can give you the energy you need to face either positive or negative challenges in your dating experience. Sometimes indulging in comfort foods like mac and cheese or chocolate may be just what you need to feel good  but it’s important to remember not to overindulge as this could lead to unhealthy patterns and behaviours related to managing challenging feelings in your potential relationship. 

• Medication Management: It’s important to continue to manage your medication regime during the dating experience. Taking your medication as prescribed will ensure they continue to be a benefit to your mental health and mood stability.  Maintaining balance in your mental illness is essential to positive outcomes in both your daily life and your dating life.

• Therapy/Counselling: talking to your therapist or councillor can help you manage the difficult up and down emotions that can come with dating. Being open with your healthcare professionals as well as your support team can foster open communication with your potential partner. Being able to express yourself about the dating process with a professional can assist in navigating the more challenging emotions that come with dating.   

• Stay Grounded: practice grounding techniques like breathing exercises or walking in nature can help manage the strong emotions that can come up while dating. Another practice that has recently been suggested for staying grounded is walking or standing barefoot outside or inside your home. There is a school of thought that suggests connecting with the earth or “earthing” can reduce stress, improve sleep, ease anxiety and enhance mood. 

 Resources and Support in Your Community or Online

If you are considering starting to date and are concerned about the challenges you may face due to mental illness below are a few resources that may help:

Ontario Shores Centre for Mental Health Science: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT); Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)  Group Program- Outpatient referral and self-referral programs.  

Center for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH)- Mental Health 101, Bipolar Disorder: Information Guide-Free tutorial 

Durham Mental Health Service (DMHS)-Community Support Programs; Peer Support Services. Outpatient referral and Self-referral. 

Apps That Support Dating with Mental Illness

NoLongerLonely: app focuses on connecting singles with mental issues, allowing people to openly disclose their issues. 

Hinge and OKCupid: these apps increasingly encourage people to discuss their mental health issues through profile prompts and features that facilitate these conversations. 

Final Thoughts

Like most things in life worth trying, dating will come with its own unique challenges. One of the key ways of dealing with challenges is being prepared for both positive or negative outcomes. Having a Dating Self-Care Tool-Kit is a great way to enter the world of potential relationships. Self-care is essential to maintaining good mental health therefore when embarking on the journey of dating it's important to have the tools you require to manage your Bipolar disorder. Maintaining structure, routine and habit during your dating life is also a great way to ensure your mood and emotions remain stable. Remember, you are not alone in your journey to love so lean on your support team, healthcare professionals and use the resources that are available to have the best dating experience possible. 

Remember, “the best dates are the ones that surprise us,” so I’m wishing all my readers lots of great surprises in your dating adventures. Happy Valentine’s Day.