Onika L. Dainty

Mental Illness, Substance Use and Trauma Bonding

What is Trauma Bonding?

“Trauma bonding” in the context of mental illness and substance use refers to an unhealthy emotional attachment a person develops with someone who is causing them hard, often characterized by a cycle of abuse and manipulation with intermittent positive reinforcement, leading the victim to feel loyalty and dependence towards their abuser, even when experiencing negative treatment, making it difficult to leave the situation; this can be particularly prevalent in relationships where one or both partners struggle with mental health or addiction issues. 

 Breaking Free From Unhealthy Relationships

When you combine mental illness, substance use and dating dynamics it can result in a dangerous and often volatile experience for both parties involved. It is not uncommon for individuals struggling with mental illness and substance use issues to form trauma bonds when exploring a dating relationship. These individuals may discover similarities in their mental health or substance use journey leading to the belief that they have found a love connection or a bond forged in shared trauma experiences. Trauma bonding  can lead to increased and riskier substance use, increased mental instability and dysfunction or in severe cases physical or emotional abuse within the dating relationship. 

If you find yourself involved in this kind of dynamic here are some steps you can take to break free from the unhealthy trauma bonding relationship:  

• Educate yourself about your mental illness and the effects of substance use. Speak to your healthcare team or pharmacist about how substances can interact with your medication regime as well as the long-term effects substance use has on your mental illness and overall mental health outcomes.   

• Acknowledge and accept the situation. Knowing that there is a problem in your relationship dynamic is the first step to severing the trauma bond that you may be holding onto. Understanding that your partner may not feel the same way it is important to remain in a space of compassion and no-judgement, instead realize your journeys may be going in different directions. 

• Seek support from family, friends and in your community. It’s important to maintain open and honest communication with your loved ones about your experience with an unhealthy relationship. Seeking therapy or counseling can also lead to understanding and ultimately healing the trauma ties that bind you. 

• Develop coping skills. Do your research on developing skills that can assist you in managing the more unhealthy aspects of your relationship. Breaking free of unhealthy relationships can involve changing the way you communicate creating a positive and safe space that promotes change. Developing interpersonal skills like active listening, conflict resolution, assertiveness or problem solving can lead to healthier outcomes for future connections.

• Establish boundaries. When establishing boundaries in an unhealthy relationship it’s important to include a consequence if your boundaries are crossed. When trying to build a stable and healthy connection, establishing limits and rules  to define what behaviours are acceptable can go a long way in helping both parties decide whether the relationship has long-term potential. 

• Start building healthy relationships. When unhealthy bonds are severed it's important to replace them with healthier ones. It can be challenging to break away from relationships that no longer serve you and to start building connections that will have positive outcomes for your mental health. A great place to start is finding groups or making associations with people who share similar interests. These spaces can be found on community boards, recreation centres or through your local mental health service organizations.  

Final Thoughts

Navigating mental illness and substance abuse in a relationship is always challenging. Even when there are strong positive emotions, they are overshadowed by unhealthy patterns of behaviour. When an individual is dealing with a co-occurring mental illness with substance use disorder it becomes challenging to function in a healthy relationship dynamic. If both parties have substance use issues it can invite a toxic element into the relationship that can lead to unhealthy bonds that affect positive mental health outcomes. Although human connection is essential to our personal growth, we have to consider the choices we make and if the relationships we pursue serve our mental health needs in a positive, productive and healthy way.