Onika L. Dainty

If you're new to managing Bipolar disorder, check out my Comprehensive Guide on How to Start Managing Bipolar Disorder.

Understanding the Emotional Landscape of Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder doesn’t just throw your emotions off balance during manic or depressive episodes—it can mess with them even in between. Emotional dysregulation, where you have trouble controlling your feelings, is common for women with Bipolar disorder. Anger, shame, and guilt can become intense and overwhelming. These feelings are often tied to what happens before, during, and after an episode, so recognizing patterns is important.

I’ve experienced all of these emotions, sometimes within a short time span, and it often feels like my emotional pendulum swings from one extreme to another. Learning to understand how and why these emotions come up has been crucial for managing them.

How Anger Manifests in Women with Bipolar Disorder

Anger is tough, especially for women with Bipolar disorder. Society often labels women who show emotion as “dramatic” or “unreliable,” and those of us with Bipolar disorder are frequently called “crazy” or “unstable.” This stigma can make it harder to express anger in healthy ways.

For me, I rarely feel anger when I’m well, but during a manic episode, it can hit me like a storm. It’s overwhelming and feels out of control. What helps me is safe, aggressive exercise—like boxing or kickboxing. When I’m in that space, I can release the anger without causing harm. I also journal, which helps me process the feelings and understand where they came from once I’m back in remission. And having people around me, like my cousins and mental health mentor, who understand my emotional dysregulation has been life-saving.

Dealing with Shame: Overcoming the Internal Critic

Shame is another beast. During a manic-psychotic episode, I’ve said and done things that don’t feel like me. After the Mania fades, shame rushes in like a tidal wave. It’s an internal struggle, and I often can’t even remember what I did to cause this feeling. But I know that self-compassion and self-acceptance are the keys to surviving it.

I’ve had to remind myself that Bipolar disorder is a serious mood disorder that sometimes takes away my emotional control. Yes, I feel ashamed, but I also have to forgive myself. Learning to accept that this disorder is a part of me but doesn’t define me has helped ease the burden of shame.

Confronting Guilt and Moving Forward

Guilt, for me, is a little different than shame. Shame makes me feel like I am the problem, while guilt makes me feel responsible for the problems my actions caused. I’ve come to understand that while I can’t control having Bipolar disorder, I am responsible for managing it. And when I fall short—whether I miss medication or ignore self-care routines—I do feel guilty.

But staying stuck in guilt doesn’t help. I’ve lost people in my life because I wasn’t doing enough to take care of myself, and I’ve had to learn to forgive myself for those losses. Moving forward is about recognizing what I can do better next time and giving myself the space to grow.

Practical Coping Strategies for Anger, Shame, and Guilt

So, how do I manage these emotions? It’s taken years, but I’ve found some strategies that work. Breathing exercises, yoga, hiking, and aromatherapy are now part of my daily routine. These mindfulness techniques help ground me when my emotions are spiralling out of control.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has been another life-saver. CBT focuses on changing thought patterns, which helps me manage the negative emotions that can lead to anger or guilt. While I’ve heard good things about Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), which incorporates mindfulness, my experience has mostly been with CBT.

The Role of Family and Friends in Emotional Support

Having a support system is crucial. Emotional dysregulation can be hard to explain, but once I educated my loved ones about it, they became more understanding. It’s important to set boundaries and communicate when you're in the middle of an emotional episode. My family now knows that when I lash out during  Mania, it’s the disorder talking, not me.

Encouraging understanding and reducing stigma has strengthened my relationships and created a stronger support system that I can rely on.

Final Thoughts

Anger, shame, and guilt don’t have to define your experience with Bipolar disorder. By learning to understand these emotions and applying coping strategies, you can regain control and improve your mental health. Whether it’s mindfulness techniques, therapy, or leaning on your support system, there are ways to manage these intense feelings.

Remember, healing is a journey, and by facing these emotions head-on, you’re already taking a huge step forward. Anger, shame and guilt can be the byproduct of this disorder but they don’t have to be the lasting end product. We are more than our illness and deserve forgiveness and understanding when we make mistakes. Ready to take the next step? Talk to a mental health specialist to create a personalized strategy for managing anger, shame, and guilt.

A Bipolar Woman’s Self-Reflection on Fear is a series of entries that will allow you a window into my past and insight on my present and the lessons I’ve learned over the years on how to manage my depression and anxiety. The 4-part series begins on December 16-21, 2024 and is a reflection of my experiences with fear and the steps I took to overcome it. Lets continue to have conversations that take us beyond the stigma to a place where fear no longer exists.