Onika L. Dainty

I used to feel sorry for myself, believing that my diagnosis was a curse. But the more I learned about myself and my condition, the more I realized that Bipolar has been one of the most significant shaping forces in my life—shaping not only how I view the world but how I view myself.

This is my journey of discovering how Bipolar disorder helped form my identity, not as a victim but as a fighter, a survivor, and someone who strives to make the most out of every high and low.

Embracing Bipolar Disorder as a Gift, Not a Curse

In the beginning, Bipolar disorder felt like a heavy burden I couldn’t escape. The mood swings, the unpredictability of manic highs followed by depressive lows—it was overwhelming. There were days when I felt defeated, unable to cope, and trapped by my own mind. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-pity in those moments. I used to feel sorry for myself, convincing myself that life had dealt me a bad hand.

But one day, something changed. When I began to study Peer Support, I gained knowledge and understanding that everything that I had endured over the years could be used to help others like me who felt lost trying to navigate the complex world of mental health. I realized that my illness wasn’t a curse—it was a gift, something I could use to effect positive change in others struggling. No, it didn’t always feel like a gift. Some days, it still doesn’t. But what Bipolar disorder has given me is a unique perspective on life. It has taught me to fight, to become more resilient, and to recognize my inner strength.

A Fighter and Survivor: Owning My Resilience

Living with Bipolar disorder has made me resilient in ways I never thought possible. It’s one thing to face external challenges, but when the battle is inside your own head, it forces you to develop a different kind of toughness. You can’t run from it or escape it. You have to face it head-on, every day. And that’s exactly what I’ve done.

I no longer feel like a victim. I’m not someone who blames others or uses Bipolar disorder as a scapegoat for bad behavior. Accountability is one of the most important lessons I’ve learned through this journey. It’s easy to shift blame when life feels out of control, but taking responsibility for my choices has been empowering.

There’s a stereotype that people with Bipolar disorder can be unpredictable or make poor choices and then blame their illness for it. But I’ve never allowed myself to fall into that pattern. Yes, my condition affects my mood and my energy, but it doesn’t control my actions. I choose how I respond to those fluctuations. Accountability is key.

Bipolar Disorder: My Superpower of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is perhaps the greatest gift that Bipolar disorder has given me. The mood swings, while challenging, force me to tune into my emotions on a level that many people never have to. I’m constantly checking in with myself, assessing how I feel and why. This level of introspection has made me more aware of not only my emotional state but also my triggers, my strengths, and my limitations.

In a world where so many people are on autopilot, never stopping to reflect on their inner world, I’ve been given the opportunity—perhaps even the necessity—of deep self-reflection. This awareness has made me more in tune with my needs, helping me recognize when I need to slow down, ask for help, or take a break. It’s also given me the insight to make healthier choices, and it has improved my relationships, allowing me to communicate more clearly with the people around me.

Knowing more about myself has boosted my confidence, both in managing my disorder and in navigating life in general. When you understand what makes you tick, you gain control over your own narrative. And for someone with a mood disorder, that’s a powerful thing.

Advocacy and Finding My Voice

One of the most significant ways Bipolar disorder has shaped my identity is in my role as an advocate—not just for myself, but for others in the mental health community. For years, I hid my condition, afraid of judgment or being seen as “less than.” But the more I learned to accept Bipolar as part of my identity, the more I realized how many people were struggling in silence, just like I had.

That’s when I knew I had to speak up. I started sharing my story, opening up about my experiences, and advocating for mental health awareness. I’m not afraid to talk about Bipolar disorder anymore. In 2019 I had the courage to share my experiences on a national platform when I became one of five people chosen to be The Face of Mental Illness for Bell Let’s Talk, a national campaign promoting mental health awareness. I take pride in being able to educate others, to break down the stigma that so often surrounds mental health conditions.

This advocacy isn’t just for others; it’s for myself too. By standing up for mental health awareness, I’ve become an advocate for my own needs. I’ve learned to set boundaries, to ask for support when I need it, and to be unapologetic about prioritizing my mental well-being.

Bipolar and the Power of Positivity

It might seem counterintuitive to associate positivity with Bipolar disorder, but I’ve found that practicing positivity has been a crucial part of my journey. When you’re dealing with mood swings and unpredictable emotions, it’s easy to get caught in a cycle of negativity. But I’ve made a conscious choice to focus on the positive aspects of my life—and even of my disorder.

Yes, Bipolar disorder brings challenges. But it’s also brought me closer to the people I care about, allowed me to tap into a wellspring of creativity, and given me a deep sense of empathy for others who are struggling. I’ve become more compassionate, more patient, and more appreciative of the good days. I focus on the positives, not because the negatives don’t exist, but because I choose not to let them define me.

Hope has been a constant companion on this journey. It’s what gets me through the tough days and reminds me that every low will eventually pass. My hope isn’t naive; it’s grounded in experience. I’ve lived through enough episodes to know that even the darkest times don’t last forever. That’s why I’m fearless when it comes to facing my condition. I know that whatever comes next, I can handle it.

Bipolar Disorder: Fuel for Creativity and Insight

One of the more unexpected gifts of Bipolar disorder has been its effect on my creativity. During my manic phases, I experience bursts of energy, creativity, and inspiration that feel almost unstoppable. I’ve channeled that energy into various creative outlets—writing, art, music. These moments of creative flow have given me a deep appreciation for my mind's capacity to think outside the box, to innovate, and to create beauty even from chaos.

Of course, the depressive phases can be debilitating, and they often sap my energy and creativity. But even in those moments, I’ve learned to tap into a different kind of insight—one that comes from reflection, from sitting with my emotions and understanding them on a deeper level. This balance between the highs and lows has taught me to appreciate both states of being, each bringing its own form of wisdom and growth.

Faith, Self-Love, and Acceptance

Over the years, Bipolar disorder has forced me to cultivate self-love and acceptance. In the beginning, I struggled with feelings of shame, wondering why I couldn’t just be “normal.” But the more I’ve embraced my condition, the more I’ve come to see that “normal” is subjective. There’s no one right way to live or to be, and my experience with Bipolar disorder is just one of many paths.

This acceptance has strengthened my faith—not just in a higher power, but in myself. I have faith in my ability to navigate life’s challenges, to rise above the lows, and to keep moving forward even when things feel difficult. This faith is rooted in self-love. I’ve learned to love myself not in spite of Bipolar disorder, but because of it. It’s made me who I am, and for that, I’m grateful.

Final Thoughts: Bipolar Disorder as a Catalyst for Growth

Living with Bipolar Disorder is not easy, and it’s not something I would wish on anyone. But for me, it has been a catalyst for personal growth and transformation. It has shaped my identity in profound ways, teaching me resilience, self-awareness, accountability, and compassion.

I no longer view Bipolar disorder as a curse. Instead, I see it as part of my journey—one that has made me stronger, more self-aware, and more connected to the world around me. It has given me the opportunity to become an advocate, to practice positivity, and to embrace my creativity.

Most importantly, Bipolar disorder has taught me that we are not defined by our struggles, but by how we choose to respond to them. And for that, I am grateful. If you're interested in further exploring the journey of managing Bipolar disorder, be sure to check out my blog, "How to Start Managing Bipolar Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide." It’s filled with valuable insights and tips to help you along the way.