In this article, I will share stories of the tragedies and triumphs I experienced while pursuing higher education, academic excellence and managing my Bipolar disorder. Learn about the strategies you can use, the support systems that help, and how I maintain my mental health through it all.
Exploring the Intersection of Bipolar Disorder and Higher Education
Bipolar Disorder: A Brief Overview
Bipolar I disorder is a mental health condition characterized by extreme mood swings including periods of intense energy (Mania or hypomania) and periods of deep sadness and disillusionment (depression). While it affects men and women equally, women may experience specific and more severe impacts related to hormonal fluctuations and life changes like pregnancy, perimenopause and menopause which can lead to a difference in symptom presentation and diagnosis.
The defining feature of Bipolar disorder lies in the extreme mood swings of high-highs (Mania, hypomania) and low-lows (depression). Women are more likely to experience rapid cycling (multiple mood episodes within a year) and mood shifts related to hormonal changes throughout their lives including during menstruation, pregnancy, perimenopause and menopause. On average women begin their menstrual cycle between the ages of 10 and 15 years old and although Bipolar disorder can begin at any age women are most commonly diagnosed in their teenage years or early 20s.
These formative years full of life changes are also the years women look to pursue higher education after completing high school. Oftentimes young women with Bipolar disorder are unaware of the psychological changes their minds go through during this time. Stressors such as relationship development, coursework, exams and difficult dynamics with parents act as distractions and explanations for mood instability.
Without realizing it there may be something larger at play and women with Bipolar disorder enter into higher education institutes with a mixture of energy, motivation to succeed and melancholy and hopelessness not realizing this blend of emotions that manifest themselves throughout the academic year is not necessarily how other young women are feeling, rather its the development of a severe mood disorder called Bipolar disorder and left untreated it will be at the root of their academic troubles going forward. Women with Bipolar disorder can experience sleep irregularities (insomnia), lack of focus and concentration, excessive energy geared toward academic tasks and low-energy with the inability to complete tasks during their academic careers.
My Pursuit of Academic Excellence: Destiny, Determination, Dreams- A Bipolar Woman’s Lived Experience
I entered the world of higher education at 18-years-old. But it was the determination of my father that got me there. Since the age of 5-years-old I can recall seeing a plaque with my name in cursive writing, Onika L. Dainty and the date below, December 28, 1988 above them read The Canadian Scholarship Trust Foundation. Since 1988 it was instilled in me that my destiny was university and that plaque above our television was a daily reminder that I was meant to pursue higher education. Every paycheck my father received he paid into that trust fund until at the age of 17-years-old I received not one but 10 acceptance letters into some of the most prestigious universities across Ontario. I chose Carleton University in Ottawa, ON where I received my first degree, a Bachelor of Arts Honors in History.
Carleton University was also where my journey with mental illness would begin. I struggled with General Anxiety Disorder and Depression for most of my four years there. There were days that I couldn’t get out of bed, much less go to class. Days where my roommate has to sneak my lunch and dinner tray to my room only to have me refuse the food. After my first year I was placed on academic warning which snapped me into reality once again. In my second year I took on a 12 lecture course load to everyone’s normal eight because I was determined to graduate on time, I was determined to make my family especially my father proud and I was determined to fulfill my destiny as the first person to secure a degree in my family moving on to bigger and better things.
What I couldn’t recognize at the time was the boundless energy it took that year and the copious sleepless nights I spent writing papers and studying for 12 exams to manage such a heavy course load. In retrospect, if the first year was a low-low depression then my second year at university I spent in the constant high-highs of hypomania. In my second year I did seek the help of mental health services and spoke to a therapist once a week. But I took none of his recommendations, read none of the texts he offered, and I refused to go on medication although in hindsight my first psychotic episode was less than 2 years away and the impact of this would almost signify the end of my academic career.
By fourth year I was in good standing again with the academic counsel, I had a manageable Honors course load of 5 seminars which required me to attend small group lectures and write what amounted to a thesis but with 5 different topics. I was prepared, I was determined, I was destined to receive my degree the following spring. Then tragedy struck. On my 22nd birthday, shortly after the first semester ended, my grandmother Alvira died, throwing both my mind and my final semester off course. I became deeply depressed, I stopped eating, stopped sleeping and stopped caring. I also stopped going to see my therapist and began to self-medicate with marijuana. I was a mess, but somehow I would find the strength and determination after much grace from several of my professors to push forward.
I knew my grandmother, though she would not see me walk across the stage, wanted me to finish. You see it is my belief that I get my determined spirit from her. So I pushed on, I pushed through, I got the grades I needed to graduate with honours and one spring day in 2005 I graduated with my B.A. Hons in History. At that moment I didn’t really feel good or bad, just numb but the pleasure I saw on my family’s face, my father’s face thawed me. The importance of this degree did not lie in the work that went into it but the work that was to come after it.
I had my foundation and with it I was able to achieve two more graduate diplomas from Humber Polytechnic (2010) and Durham College (2015) all while managing my mental illness. I will not tell you it was easy, in some cases it took longer than the course outlines but it was through resilience, perseverance, determination and never letting go of the idea that destiny had a plan for me that I received my degree and subsequent graduate designations. Overcoming challenges is never easy but giving up on your dreams is a regret you may never get over. I will always persevere with an exacting determination to reach my dreams because the alternative, allowing my mental illness to define who I can and cannot be in this world, is not the road I choose for myself. I choose determination and the pursuit of academic excellence because they have been a part of my destiny and the journey to my dreams from the beginning. They exist in spite of my Bipolar disorder.
Coping Strategies for Managing Bipolar Disorder While Studying
The higher-education environment is much like any other environment you will exist in and need to manage your Bipolar disorder symptoms. The only real difference is that for women they may have to exist in multiple environments for instance, home, work and school, this is all dependent on age and circumstances. If you are fortunate enough to solely focus on your academic life there are a number of tools you can use to manage your Bipolar disorder while trying to achieve a successful outcome for your academic career. Below is a list of suggestions on how to find balance in your academic life and your mental health.
Establish Structure, Routine, and Habit in Your Day
Consistent Sleep Habits: a regular sleep-wake schedule is important for mood stabilization. This means going to bed at the same time every night (even weekends) and waking up at the same time every day. Use the alarms you have access to to ensure this happens whether it's on your cell phone or an alarm clock, make sure it's set and avoid hitting snooze.
Structured Schedule: Create a daily timetable that includes classes, study times, work and leisure activities. You can also include your morning routine like coffee/tea time, medication time, shower, dress and brushing your teeth. When you complete an activity check it off. I recommend getting a Daily Organizer recreating your schedule daily as it helps commit the routine to memory.
Regular Meals and Staying Hydrated: Eating at the same time as well as staying hydrated with water can help regulate your blood sugar levels which can impact your mood. Ensure you are eating balanced and nutrient-rich foods rather than fast foods or processed foods as there should be room in your schedule for time to prepare healthier options.
Practice Mindfulness and Manage Stress
Mindfulness Techniques: Daily meditation has been proven to have a calming effect on the mind when experiencing stress. Meditation can be practiced in the morning when you wake up and it's a good way to center yourself to begin your day. It can also be done at night before bed to calm racing thoughts, release the stress of the day and promote sound sleep. Deep breathing can help slow down the heart rate if elevated due to stress and can be done anywhere at any time you feel discomfort. Grounding or “earthing” where you connect your body directly to the earth i.e. walking barefoot on grass, has been proven to elevate mood and reduce stress.
Journaling: Writing your thoughts and feelings down can help process emotions and identify triggers you may be experiencing throughout the day. Keeping a gratitude journal where you write 1-3 things down daily that you are grateful for can promote positivity and uplift you throughout the day.
Exercise: having a daily exercise routine where you participate in physical activity like walking, hiking, yoga or light cardio can reduce stress throughout the day. It is my recommendation that you begin or end your day with exercise as those feel good chemicals like endorphins, dopamine and serotonin can boost your mood preparing you for what’s ahead or placing the day's stress in the rearview mirror.
Self-Care
Medication Management: if prescribed medications, take consistently and as directed.
Identify and Manage Triggers: Keep a mood tracking journal to track changes in your mood and potential triggers for episodes. Ensure you share with your mental healthcare team regularly.
Limit Stress: Don’t overload your schedule with too many commitments as this can lead to burnout or even a severe episode of Mania, Hypomania or depression.
Focus on Your Strengths: Focus on your accomplishments and abilities throughout the academic year.
Take Breaks: schedule breaks in your daily routine as these are important for rejuvenating your mental and physical strength.
Stay Positive: Focus on your goals and never forget your progress. Especially during exams when stress tends to be high, remember a grade does not define who you are or where you land in the future.
Give Yourself Grace: You are managing a mood disorder and higher education so be patient with yourself and trust the process.
The Role of Support Systems in Higher Education
Campus mental health resources and counselors are vital to the growth and productivity of students on college and university campuses. They provide safe and accessible environments for students pursuing higher education to express their mental health concerns especially during the formative period of transitioning from high school to post-secondary education. These services can provide support acting as the first point of contact for students struggling with their mental health. With stigma continuing to be a concern for individuals dealing with mental health issues, campus mental health resources provide judgement-free and confidential spaces for students to express themselves and the struggles they face both on and off campus. By creating these safe spaces where mental health resources are accessible campus counselors are able to build trust, improve academic performance, promote overall well-being and connect them with other student groups who have similar experiences.
Even with the transition to higher education being complex, there is still room for family and friends to play a supportive role in student life. It’s important to remember everyone’s higher education journey is different and can be even more challenging when mental illness is involved. For the friends and family of students in higher education I would say just be there to listen without judgement or expressing concerns about their ability to manage grades and Bipolar disorder. Use empathy, compassion and understanding when interacting with your friend or family member pursuing academia especially if they show vulnerability in sharing their fears. Finally, stay positive and continue to show them support on their journey through higher education while managing their Bipolar Disorder.
Balancing Higher Education and Mental Health: Routines, Regimens and Academic Responsibilities
University/college can be an exciting new time in your life. There can be a feeling of change in identity as well as the direction your life is heading in. Perhaps this new acceptance into a new environment can make you feel like you are able to shut the door of who you used to be but it's important to remember although there will be many changes and new adjustments in your life, it is still your responsibility to take care of yourself and your medical needs. When you receive the letter of acceptance, the timetables and your room assignment it's my recommendation one of the first people you communicate with should be your mental healthcare team to see how these changes will affect how you manage your medication routine and therapy regimen going forward.
Below are some questions you may want to consider asking your team:
How will I manage my medication schedule/routine with class timings and exams?
How will I manage seeing my therapist/counselor with my new schedule? Are there virtual/phone appointments available?
How often will I connect with my team now that I’m in University/College?
If I decide to go away for University/College who will be my psychiatrist? Who will be on my mental healthcare support team?
If I decide to go away for University/College how will I manage my medication?
What do I do/who do I call if I’m in a crisis? Are there any crisis lines I can contact?
Some of these questions have simple solutions and others require more complex planning therefore, the sooner you connect with your mental healthcare team the easier it may be to navigate medication management, therapeutic treatment options and your new academic responsibilities.
Overcoming Setbacks: Resilience and Persistence in Education
One of my greatest academic setbacks was experienced at Humber Polytechnic when I was in pursuit of my Public Relations and Communications graduate certification. When I started the program in 2008, I was one of 45 students that got in from an application pool of over 700 people. I worked hard preparing for the preliminary written exam and the subsequent interview with the head of the department. According to him the deciding factor for admission was that I was the fist application that day to correctly name the Prime Minster of Canada, Stephen Harper. I still find that funny because I had read every newspaper and international newspaper to prepare for the interview and my answer came out more like a question because of its simplicity.
I started off well in the program but by mid-first semester I experienced the stressor of my long-term partner ending our relationship. After this event I could not find my balance. After struggling in university, receiving my diagnosis of Bipolar I disorder, and taking time off to process and find my new direction, the break-up was a huge trigger that threw off my equilibrium. Although for the first few weeks I continued to achieve at the level I had at the beginning of the semester, things rapidly went downhill. The carefully established structure, routine and habits that had previously kept me on top of both my academic life and my mental health began to fall apart. I started forgetting to take my medication on time, I could not sleep, barely getting 2-3 hours nightly, I had disorganized thinking, my thoughts raced out of control and I started using marijuana again, self-medicating to find relief.
Eventually I had to speak to my student advisor and request a leave of absence which was granted and shortly after I was hospitalized due to a manic-psychotic episode. I spent two months in hospital and a full year in recovery before remission and stability came and I was able to re-enter the program. I wasn’t the same however, I was 60 pounds over-weight due to a new medication I was on, I was shaky and lethargic because of the same medication, I had lost my confidence and spark, I questioned my presence in the program and whether I should drop out. However, there was still the part of me that existed for making my dreams come true and I tapped into that determination and tenacity to find my source of motivation and my reason for persevering. I was able to complete my first semester and half of my second semester but during my required internship I was in a serious car accident and once again everything was put on hold.
After the accident I fell into a deep depression, refusing to leave my room, sleeping all day and not eating. My parents tried to support me the best they could but it was my cousin Kim and our daily walks by the lake that got me out of my depression and back to a place of hope and determination. After a few months and the recreation of my structure, routine and habit I realized a year had passed and I wasn’t even sure I would be let back in the PR and Communications program. I knew I had to try, even with the changes in me and the pushback I suspected I’d face, I knew I had to try and finish what I had started almost 2 years before. I was fortunate they allowed me back in for a third time but stipulated it was my final chance to complete my 2nd semester as well as find my own internship. With determination in my heart and motivation in my mind I did both. I took night classes to finish the semester and I received an internship at a local non-profit community organization.
I was responsible along with two high school students in my internship office, for planning an opening day celebration for the new non-profit organization. I worked hard, maybe too hard, pushing myself to succeed and ultimately pushing myself into another manic episode and a brief hospitalization. Although I was able to plan a successful celebration event making over 250K in sponsorship for the organization for the first time on my mental illness journey I would experience the stigma and discrimination of small minds who did not believe I was capable of doing big things.
When I was released from the hospital I had a meeting with my internship coordinator where she accused me of not being responsible for the planning and execution of the event as she didn’t believe I was capable. The disillusionment, disappointment and disbelief I felt at her accusation still hits home today but with calm determination I accepted her recrimination and sub-par grade, then contacted the two other young women who assisted me in the event planning for testimonials and clear statements of their tasks. In my second meeting with the internship coordinator I produced the testimonials and strongly worded statements of disappointment and advised her that if she didn’t change my grade to reflect the hard work we both knew I had done that her organization would have a lawsuit on their hands.
In the Spring of 2010, after two years of hard work, 60 pounds of weight, mental health setbacks, academic failures, hospitalizations, and an almost lawsuit, I graduated from the Humber Polytechnic Public Relations and Communications program. My relationship with my father was extremely strained so he wasn’t in attendance but in my heart I know he was proud. My mother and cousin Kim were there and presented me with a dozen pink long stem roses. I didn’t graduate with the class I started with, most of the people there were unrecognizable to me except one face: our keynote speaker comedian Russell Peters. When I crossed the stage to receive my diploma, I bypassed the Dean of Students with the funny hat and went straight to Mr. Peters, I told him I loved his work, he smiled and told me to call him Russell, I gave him a big hug, he smiled and then said “Welcome to the club.”
Creating a Bright Future for Students with Bipolar Disorder: How Higher Education Institutions Can Support Your Academic Journey
First it’s important to realize that change starts with you. Students with mental health challenges like Bipolar disorder often shy away from sharing their struggles with those that can help them especially in academia. We want to be seen as capable and worthy of the role of university/college student so it is not uncommon to feel that asking for help on your journey through academia might mean you are not as capable as the other students that do not require certain allowances. It’s okay to feel this way, it's even okay to attempt to manage both school and your Bipolar disorder in a way that works for you. However, if struggles do arise it's definitely okay to advocate for yourself and the services and support you need to make your journey an enriching and fulfilling one.
Something to consider is that by sharing your challenges you might be paving the way for those that come after you to ask for assistance when they are struggling in those first few weeks or months of their transition. By advocating for yourself you raise awareness and promote education of an important issue, de-stigmatizing mental illness for students on campus and the leaders that make important decisions about how to support people in their academic careers that might struggle with mental illness but have the drive and passion to succeed in this educational arena.
With that said, the responsibility for providing support for students with mental illnesses such as Bipolar disorder falls on the higher education institution. Some spaces do so by implementing flexible academic structures, providing readily available and accessible mental health services on campus and fostering an inclusive and supportive environment by offering aides like preferential seating, extended deadlines, providing confidential counseling and therapy and promoting open dialogue about mental health through crisis intervention, psychiatric services and peer support groups.
Open communication is key, so when you are visiting your potential university/college campus this year it's important you ask the questions about the experience you will have on campus as a person with a mental illness who is also in pursuit of academic excellence. As you walk down this new path and journey toward your higher education goals remember to continue to have conversations that take you beyond the stigma to a place where you create a brighter future for yourself and every student who struggles to find their voice. Fostering an inclusive and understanding environment that promotes academic success is in both the hands of the higher education institution and your hands as well.
Final Thoughts
Pursuing higher education while managing Bipolar disorder isn’t easy but it’s possible. It’s important to remember that although you are dealing with a lifelong condition it doesn’t mean that your mood disorder has to stand in the way of your lifelong goals and dreams. With a plan that establishes structure, routine and habits around your Bipolar disorder as well as your higher education goals you can have a successful academic career.
Speak with your mental health team to determine the best course of action to manage things like medication, therapeutic treatment and your academic responsibilities as you embark on this new and exciting journey. Follow the practical tips on how to self-care, practice mindfulness and reduce stress while pursuing academia to ensure you have tools in your toolkit when things get overwhelming. Contact your university/college mental health services office to see what support they have available.
The pursuit of a goal or dream is never easy. It involves persistence, hard work and determination. Mostly, it's important to give yourself grace because there will be setbacks on your journey to academic excellence that will require you to show resilience and self-compassion in order to bounce back. Academic success does not come easy for anyone but it can be especially challenging for individuals managing Bipolar disorder so ask for help when you need it, remember you are not alone and there is supports in your community and through family and friends that can assist you in navigating this new higher education journey you are embarking on. Remember, every day is an opportunity to do something you've never done before so today be driven and determined in your pursuit of your dream of academic success and as Mr. Peters once said “Welcome to the club.”
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